A very dear and much loved friend and I have been chatting recently and catching up on all things since we parted ways. Not intentionally. We grew up in Africa and ended up on different continents. The thing is when you emigrate like that it takes a while for you to settle and assimilate into the culture you've adopted. Then you reconnect. That's what we're doing and it's wonderful. I love my friend dearly and she is the one friend I feel is most similar to me in our likes and dislikes. We spent ages talking about things our peers wouldn't have a clue about in Africa! We both love to sing and we used to duet together all the time. Just for fun. Her family were great too. Lovely people. And the other thing she and I have in common is that we are both plus size. Only I am super size compared to her but she never makes me feel it. When I struggled to find a bra in my size in Africa when she went overseas the thing she brought back was a bra my size. I loved that bra! She was so thoughtful.
So it's been lovely catching up, reconnecting, exchanging stories about what we have gone through in our lives. Naturally at some point the conversation we had to fall to love and dating. I explained I had a man, not perfect, sometimes I'm mad with him just because he's a man but I love him. She explained she was dating a man also lovely that she was besotted with. Wow! Similar again. :) Then we started to exchange dating stories and the recurring thing was that most men who wanted to date us wanted to do it undercover. We thought about that. What is that about?! They were happy to date us in secret just not out where everybody could see them.
And we, accepted it! And they still left us in the end?! My friend called it trying 'fat wings'. Fat girls are just to experience and fool around with but not to be seen with. Words to that effect are never said but the route the relationship starts to take from the beginning begins to suggest there is a cul de sac in the road to love ahead. Ain't going nowhere!!! So, why do we do we it? Allow ourselves to be used in this way? Whether we know we are doing it or not? Why? I've done it. I'm not ashamed to say. I was just happy someone was interested in the earlier days, before I became self aware and began to believe more in myself. But in the end the pain of being dumped was horrendous. I never let them get their 'fat wings' anyway. I wasn't that sort of girl. Fat or not! But lonely men, greedy men, even men who genuinely fall for a fat girl, all want to do it in secret.
Have you allowed yourself to be dated in secret? Out of the way restaurants? Always at your house and unsociable hours? If you are dating someone like this then it's time to ask yourself some questions. When is it ever okay for someone to expect this of you? When is it ever okay for you to allow yourself to be someone's dirty secret? Never! Never my friends. Stand up for yourselves. If I'm not good enough for you in public then I I'm not good enough for you in secret. You only need to look at the type of men plus size dating sites attract. Fat fetish loving men. Nothing wrong with that if he is offering the whole package including looking for love, marriage and children! And you and I know often they are not! Be careful bigYoutifuls don't sell yourselves out. I know it's easier said than done. A lot of us are lonely. But the plus size world is getting better educated and proper dating platforms will soon come on the scene. Look around your work, neighbourhood etc. The good guys still exist.
I had/have don't really know right now a good guy. I wrote about him a few weeks ago. Lesson learnt. Never tempt fate. I'm not as sure now....it hangs in the balance. But I know I am strong enough to keep on with the search if Mr Right last week is Mr Wrong this week!
It's a hard road to navigate this road of love for big people and the maps are all over the place.
Please don't or stop being someone's dirty little secret and be someone's pride and joy!
Luv ya bigYoutifuls!
RayRay xx
